So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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