So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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