If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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