i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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