My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize