Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
