Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
