cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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