Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
