Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
