how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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