Welp...herpes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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