all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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