i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize