I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
did i just pee glitter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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