dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
