You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
