You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
