you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
