Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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