If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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