you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
