I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
