His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
