I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
