He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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