return my video game
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
