READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize