if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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