i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
