she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
