the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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