he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize