After last night, I could never be a politician.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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