Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
