recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
