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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
