actually, I'm a sock model
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
