your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
