I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize