No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
