Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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