I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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