I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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