I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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