How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He better not be in your backpack
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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