Redeem this text for a blowjob
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
