i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
