Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize