Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
