im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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