i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
