cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
