hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
