Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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