happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
