You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
