True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
