you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
