I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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