The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
