actually, I'm a sock model
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
