it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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