Are we in a gay sports bar?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
