do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
