I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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