Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
