you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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