dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
