Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My ass is underappreciated
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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