I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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