I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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