I heard we made out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
