you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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