I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
