OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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