i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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