Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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