you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
