all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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